Tuesday, May 02, 2006

A Lesson Learnt

"Conrad is trying to show us how insignificant Man is in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You're nothing you know..." said Mrs Sng.

And in my heart I was thinking, "We are all such stuff as manure is made on."

When I heard this for the first time in my life, my perception of the modernist movement that it was trying to portray to us the bleakness, the emptiness of life. And most of all, the insigicance of Man in this world. At that minute, I perceived it to be a calling for me to give up all hope. I renounced all my desires for worldly riches, and lost the drive to strive for greater success admist ths cesspool we live in.

I told myself, "The pusuit for material wealth will only lead to emptiness. For once the great desire is fufilled, you are left with nothing but a heap of worthless paper that you once thought would grant you the millions you've dreamt of."

And with that, I thought I would remain just somebody, like anybody else. Maybe a little different from the ordinary masses. Then I'll do whatever I like, and not bother so much about the worldly riches, do what I love doing, like Philosophy and whatnot. Boy, I was naive.

But today, my life changed when Mrs Sng said the next few words.

"Conrad is trying to show us how insignificant Man is in this world. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You're nothing you know..." (as mentioned before)

"Which is why you should try to be someome significant, someone different."

She punctuated her words with so much conviction. And throughout what others perceive as incessant nagging, there was a young adult in the process of changing his life. I know Mrs Sng doesn't really think well of me, especially in terms of conduct and attitude. But somehow or another, her words have a profound impact on me. It could be my nonchalent personality that fails to convince her of my most sincere words. But nevertheless, I've never forgotten the encouragements and advices she gave me.

Like once I just lazily said in class that I'm thinking of quitting school. Then she looked at me through that memorable glasses of hers, and said to me: "Why do you want to quit school? You'll do well. You're intelligent."

Again, another turning point in life. These fine words of wisdom always come to me at my somewhat lower points in life, where I'm feeling very lost and discouraged by my academic pursuits. To the point that somehow I feel, my life is truly blessed. That Mrs Sng was God-sent. I find it hard to believe that this is the work of conincidences, and that somehow, albeit all the blasphemy and sin in me, some omnipotent being up there is watching over me. And I thank you for that, sincerely.

But at times, I really doubt the sincerity of the words: Ivan is an intelligent boy. Because many many occasions, I find myself just merely mediocre, or maybe above average. And that only puts me below average in the national level, and pathetic level in the international level. It's not me to think this way, but sometimes I just can't help it. We can't help what life has done to us, can we?

I'd like to conclude this entry with the most sincere word of Thanks to Mrs Sng. Despite the fact that this will probably remain one of the silent word of thanks in the chapter of my life, I still hope that one day, she will believe my words. Because many times, I mean much much more... Thank you, for being the great teacher and educator that you are. You've truly earned my full respect.

And may I end with yet another memorable quote from Mrs Sng.

"There is nothing wrong being a nerd, or someone with great ambition."

And that's what I'm going to possess now: Ambition.

Watch out world! =)

posted@3:58 PM

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